"Look! A friendship bracelet!"
April 18, 2010 Matthew 18:21-35
A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET! It’s not in the Bible exactly, but from everything I’ve read, they
must have found one in a back corner of that empty tomb. For the scriptures have a lot to say
about our relationships.
The truth is that God seems to care almost as much about the way we treat each other as he does
about the way we relate to him. Just think about the Great commandment for a minute. Jesus said
the greatest commandment; the one that all the others rest on is this: that we are to love God with
all our being and that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
When we look at the cross we usually think about how God forgave our sins but that was clearly
only the first step. For you see in forgiving us and restoring our relationship to God, he also made it
possible for us to in turn to forgive everyone who has hurt us. I want to talk about that today.
Did you know that friendship bracelets date back to our Native American ancestors? According to
indigenous tradition, the recipient of a friendship bracelet must wear it until the cords wear out and
fall off naturally. The idea is that the friend paid for it with the hard work and love that made it, The
recipient repays the friend by honoring the work. Removing the bracelet before it naturally falls off
is a sign that the friendship has gone sour. Another variation of this tradition is that the recipient of
a bracelet is entitled to a wish. After the bracelet wears out and falls off naturally, the wish will
come true. No wonder so many young people share and wear them.
This morning I want to talk about broken relationships in the context of the sermon series we
began on Easter Sunday titled, “What did they really find in the empty tomb.”
On Easter I said that in the shadow of the cross, in the shadow of the cross, IN THAT EMPTY
TOMB WE FOUND FORGIVENESS FOR OUR SINS. We found a fresh start, a new beginning
and a chance to walk with God anew. Last week we found a mirror which helped us see ourselves
as God sees us. It allowed us to forgive ourselves and claim that new relationship with God.
Today I want to talk about the most difficult aspect of forgiveness: Forgiving those who have hurt
us.
Now I’ve got to confess that I am much better at this now than I was but it is still hard. I used to
hold onto the hurts that others caused me. It got so bad at one point in my life that I couldn’t say
the Lord’s prayer. It was like a hot poker and I just put my head down and mumbled the words.
Not all of them. I loved God and wanted his will to be done. I asked him to supply my basic needs
and lead me out of temptation and trial. It was THAT FORGIVENESS part in the middle that I
couldn’t say.
“Forgive us our sins/debts/trespasses as we forgive those who trespass/sin against us.” That
phrase hurt too much. I didn’t want to give up my hurts and forgive. I told you about my
grandparents. It seems silly now but when I was going to graduate from high school we invited
them to the graduation. We only had four tickets but being the first grandchild of the generation,
my dad made sure they got the invite. He was so proud. The night of the graduation my
grandmother called and said they couldn’t make it. They had too much work to do to get the
cottage ready for rental. It was like a slap in the face. My father had always felt like the black sheep
of the family and this was one more straw in the basket. I was offended for him and I carried that
grudge for years.”
You know the truth is that if we really kept count, we couldn’t begin to number the times that
others have disappointed, hurt, and offended us. I am sure that right now, you could name a few
people that you are angry or upset with for things they have said and done in the past. It could be a
family member, a co-worker, someone here at church or your next door neighbor.
We carry around these hurts, these grudges and they simmer just below the surface. I’ve got
news for you. Hey hurt you a lot more than they hurt the person you are angry with. God knows
that.
The Bible says—just as God has forgiven us, we also must forgive others. This is tough stuff. But
our Father knows best.
I think one of the reasons it is so hard to forgive others is because of a misunderstanding about
what forgiving others really is. Forgiving others is not—Justifying their actions. You don’t have to
say things like—well, they were under a lot of stress. Well, I certainly don’t think they meant it that
way. Forgiveness has nothing to do with their motives. We don’t need to make sense of why they
did what they did so we can feel good about it. Face it, most of the time we don’t care. They hurt
us and we have the scars to prove it. So when we say we forgive them we are not saying they had
a right to do what they did.
Second it is not about letting enough time pass. You’ve heard people say “time heals all wounds.”
That’s a bunch of baloney. We all know that time alone doesn’t make things better. Some of us
sitting here are still feeling the sting of betrayal that happened fifteen or twenty years ago or more.
Forgiving doesn’t get any easier over time. As a matter of fact it is often harder because that pain
has been internalized and become a part of us. So there is no good reason to wait and believe that it
will come naturally.
Third it is not pretending that you aren’t hurt and it didn’t matter. Men are especially good at
acting macho but all of us do it. Sometimes we try to play nice in church and pretend that what
someone said or did to us didn’t bother us. But it did! We keep a lid on it and tell everyone we are
over it but denying it doesn’t make it go away. When somebody hurts you, it’s like getting a
splinter in your finger. It may be really small, but if you try to ignore it, it will eventually get
infected and you’ll be in worse shape later on.
Finally forgiveness is not about confrontation. It’s not going to them, grabbing them by the shirt,
and saying—give me an apology. Forgiveness is not seeking revenge and getting in their face, as
much as we want to do that when someone hurt us. The truth is that forgiveness is not totally
about them. It is more about addressing something within us.
I’m going to give you five words to hold onto this morning to help you grasp it. It might not make
it any easier but at least you will have a path you can follow as you try out live out God’s call to
forgive as you and I have been forgiven.
Here they are.
Remember
Release
Recognize
Reestablish
Repeat.
Can you say them with me? Remember, release, recognize, reestablish and repeat.
First, remember how much we’ve been forgiven. Remember how much (with emphasis) I’ve
been forgiven is how that should be said. Because the first step in forgiving others is to understand
how much God has forgiven us.
A couple of weeks ago we talked about the Prodigal Son? It is actually our story. You see, we are
the Prodigal Son, we are the Prodigal Daughter who has turned our back on our loving Father. We
have gone our own way. We have enjoyed sin for a season and yet, when we return home, God
welcomes us back. And God forgives us—not just partially, but God forgives us completely. God
doesn’t make us pay it back.
So we have to be reminded over and over, because we, as humans, have amazing capacities to
forget and we forget just how good we have it. We forget how completely and fully and how freely
God has forgiven us.
Isaiah 1:18 is such a great verse because it talks about God’s complete forgiveness. It says.
“Come, let us talk this over says the Lord. No matter how deep the stain of your sin, I can take it
out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson. I can
make you white as wool.”
We hurt God whenever we sin but he opens his heart and forgives us anyway. We need to
remember that. Now I want you to think of somebody who has hurt you. Conjure up those
feelings. Then think about Jesus and the fact that he feels the same way whenever you hurt him.
I get the image of Peter and Jesus in the courtyard. In the movie The Passion of Christ, it is
portrayed so well. As Jesus is being led away Peter is denying Christ in no uncertain terms. At that
moment Peter sees Jesus. They lock eyes and the regret is so deep. The anguish and hurt fills the
screen.
If Jesus can forgive us then we have no excuse. That brings me to our scripture today. It’s a
story that Jesus told about forgiveness. The point is simple:
A man who owes a great debt calls on the king and asks for mercy. The king hears his plea and
forgives him his debt.
The next thing you know this same man confronts another who owes him a debt and he shows
no mercy. He lives by the rule “an eye for an eye.” He has the man thrown in prison and his family
left destitute.
When the king hears of it he is outraged. It is like a slap in the face. All the pity, all the
compassion he felt for this man dissipates and he throws the book at him. The moral of the story,
Matthew tells us is this:
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of
yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I
had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay
back all he owed.
And Jesus said "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your
brother from your heart."
Ouch! Do you think Jesus thinks forgiving others is important. We need to remember that we
have been forgiven. Maybe there is someone who has hurt you. Well now is the time to think about
forgiving them.
That brings me to our second point. Release them. Let them go. Set them free. What does that
mean? It means to stop replaying that tape of their offense over and over again in your mind. We do
that don’t we? We relive the hurt. We keep it fresh by living through it again. Well you’ve got to let
it go.
You don’t need to confront them or try to make amends or even try to repair the relationship to do
this. You just simply go to God and ask him to help you forgive and let it go. You see, forgiveness
is always a choice. It is not an emotion, it is a choice.
This process of setting someone free, of releasing them, is so key to the freedom that God wants
you to experience in forgiveness. When you do that you are saying I’m giving up my rights to
repayment. You no longer have TO WAIT FOR THEM to make amends, BECAUSE THEY
PROBABLY NEVER WILL. So you are taking charge and reclaiming your own peace of mind.
Let God deal with revenge, payment or what they need to do. He’s better at it than we are anyway.
Third Recognize that God has bigger things in mind. The truth is that every experience in life
shapes us. It prepares us for the next thing. The struggles, the adventures, the relationships we
have prepare us for the job that God is waiting to call us to.
Joseph is the perfect example of this. Do you remember his story? It was tragic. It was ironic. He
was a dreamer, the favorite son of his father, Jacob. His brothers get jealous of his favored status
and they plot against him. They sell him to slave traders going to Egypt and tell their father he was
killed. Through a series of misadventures he lands in prison and then into the court of Pharoah. He
interprets a dream and Pharoah places him in a position of authority. A famine hits the land and
Jacob sends his sons to Pharoah for help. Guess who is there to greet them.
Joseph could have taken his revenge. But instead he has forgiven them and in that process
recognized that God used that circumstance to get his will done. Joseph was now in a position to
save his family.
The truth is that God uses our circumstances to achieve his will. Now hear me: I am not saying
that god sends pain and trouble into our lives so he can do something about it later. I am saying that
God takes these difficult and tragic situations and uses them, like scraps off the table, to bring
blessings down the road.
In Romans 8:28 it says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
That’s why it is so important to forgive. God has a plan and he can take your hurt and still make it
work for good if you can forgive.
My grandparents passed away in 1994 and 1995. They asked for me to do their funerals. Believe it
or not as I was sitting with my grandfather after my grandmother’s funeral, my grandfather told
me that he and my grandmother were so very proud of me. They also told me that my father had
done a good job raising his family. If I hadn’t been able to forgive them, I would have never heard
those words of affirmation.
The fourth step is to reestablish if possible. I’m going to be brief here. If you can re-establish the
relationship, then go to it.
There is a television show called “All About Earl.” I’ve seen it a few times. It’s really wacky. But
essentially this guy has a list of all the people he has ever wronged and he has to go back and make
it right. Some people readily accept his apologies and others don’t and that makes for the humor.
The truth is that some bridges are broken and you can’t go back over them. But if you can build a
new bridge after forgiveness, God calls us to do it.
In Romans 12:21. It says, “Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
What does that mean? It means, even if you can’t reestablish the relationship, you can still act in a
good way toward that person.
Pray for the person who hurt you. Ask God to heal their hearts. Ask God to bless them. When
you can do that you know that your healing and forgiveness is well on its way.
Finally, Repeat this process again and again. If you are lucky, your life will be long. You will
suffer hurts and you just need to keep doing this over and over again.
For you see, on the cross God was not only reconciling the world to himself, but he was doing
the same for each of us. He died so that we would have the power of forgiveness in our hands.
Don’t waste it. Use it to share God’s love with the people in your life. Life is too short to bear
grudges and to walk alone. Reach out and share that friendship bracelet God has left for you and
me in that empty tomb.
Let’s pray:
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for how much You have forgiven me. Today, I forgive (just say
their name, the person you are forgiving). God, I’m forgiving them for (you just tell God what it is.
He already knows, but there is something about saying it and releasing that person). And God
show me the action I need to take to reestablish the relationship even if it is just to pray for them.
Now Lord, Help me to forgive others as much as you have forgiven me. In Jesus name. Amen.
April 18, 2010 Matthew 18:21-35
A FRIENDSHIP BRACELET! It’s not in the Bible exactly, but from everything I’ve read, they
must have found one in a back corner of that empty tomb. For the scriptures have a lot to say
about our relationships.
The truth is that God seems to care almost as much about the way we treat each other as he does
about the way we relate to him. Just think about the Great commandment for a minute. Jesus said
the greatest commandment; the one that all the others rest on is this: that we are to love God with
all our being and that we are to love our neighbor as we love ourselves.
When we look at the cross we usually think about how God forgave our sins but that was clearly
only the first step. For you see in forgiving us and restoring our relationship to God, he also made it
possible for us to in turn to forgive everyone who has hurt us. I want to talk about that today.
Did you know that friendship bracelets date back to our Native American ancestors? According to
indigenous tradition, the recipient of a friendship bracelet must wear it until the cords wear out and
fall off naturally. The idea is that the friend paid for it with the hard work and love that made it, The
recipient repays the friend by honoring the work. Removing the bracelet before it naturally falls off
is a sign that the friendship has gone sour. Another variation of this tradition is that the recipient of
a bracelet is entitled to a wish. After the bracelet wears out and falls off naturally, the wish will
come true. No wonder so many young people share and wear them.
This morning I want to talk about broken relationships in the context of the sermon series we
began on Easter Sunday titled, “What did they really find in the empty tomb.”
On Easter I said that in the shadow of the cross, in the shadow of the cross, IN THAT EMPTY
TOMB WE FOUND FORGIVENESS FOR OUR SINS. We found a fresh start, a new beginning
and a chance to walk with God anew. Last week we found a mirror which helped us see ourselves
as God sees us. It allowed us to forgive ourselves and claim that new relationship with God.
Today I want to talk about the most difficult aspect of forgiveness: Forgiving those who have hurt
us.
Now I’ve got to confess that I am much better at this now than I was but it is still hard. I used to
hold onto the hurts that others caused me. It got so bad at one point in my life that I couldn’t say
the Lord’s prayer. It was like a hot poker and I just put my head down and mumbled the words.
Not all of them. I loved God and wanted his will to be done. I asked him to supply my basic needs
and lead me out of temptation and trial. It was THAT FORGIVENESS part in the middle that I
couldn’t say.
“Forgive us our sins/debts/trespasses as we forgive those who trespass/sin against us.” That
phrase hurt too much. I didn’t want to give up my hurts and forgive. I told you about my
grandparents. It seems silly now but when I was going to graduate from high school we invited
them to the graduation. We only had four tickets but being the first grandchild of the generation,
my dad made sure they got the invite. He was so proud. The night of the graduation my
grandmother called and said they couldn’t make it. They had too much work to do to get the
cottage ready for rental. It was like a slap in the face. My father had always felt like the black sheep
of the family and this was one more straw in the basket. I was offended for him and I carried that
grudge for years.”
You know the truth is that if we really kept count, we couldn’t begin to number the times that
others have disappointed, hurt, and offended us. I am sure that right now, you could name a few
people that you are angry or upset with for things they have said and done in the past. It could be a
family member, a co-worker, someone here at church or your next door neighbor.
We carry around these hurts, these grudges and they simmer just below the surface. I’ve got
news for you. Hey hurt you a lot more than they hurt the person you are angry with. God knows
that.
The Bible says—just as God has forgiven us, we also must forgive others. This is tough stuff. But
our Father knows best.
I think one of the reasons it is so hard to forgive others is because of a misunderstanding about
what forgiving others really is. Forgiving others is not—Justifying their actions. You don’t have to
say things like—well, they were under a lot of stress. Well, I certainly don’t think they meant it that
way. Forgiveness has nothing to do with their motives. We don’t need to make sense of why they
did what they did so we can feel good about it. Face it, most of the time we don’t care. They hurt
us and we have the scars to prove it. So when we say we forgive them we are not saying they had
a right to do what they did.
Second it is not about letting enough time pass. You’ve heard people say “time heals all wounds.”
That’s a bunch of baloney. We all know that time alone doesn’t make things better. Some of us
sitting here are still feeling the sting of betrayal that happened fifteen or twenty years ago or more.
Forgiving doesn’t get any easier over time. As a matter of fact it is often harder because that pain
has been internalized and become a part of us. So there is no good reason to wait and believe that it
will come naturally.
Third it is not pretending that you aren’t hurt and it didn’t matter. Men are especially good at
acting macho but all of us do it. Sometimes we try to play nice in church and pretend that what
someone said or did to us didn’t bother us. But it did! We keep a lid on it and tell everyone we are
over it but denying it doesn’t make it go away. When somebody hurts you, it’s like getting a
splinter in your finger. It may be really small, but if you try to ignore it, it will eventually get
infected and you’ll be in worse shape later on.
Finally forgiveness is not about confrontation. It’s not going to them, grabbing them by the shirt,
and saying—give me an apology. Forgiveness is not seeking revenge and getting in their face, as
much as we want to do that when someone hurt us. The truth is that forgiveness is not totally
about them. It is more about addressing something within us.
I’m going to give you five words to hold onto this morning to help you grasp it. It might not make
it any easier but at least you will have a path you can follow as you try out live out God’s call to
forgive as you and I have been forgiven.
Here they are.
Remember
Release
Recognize
Reestablish
Repeat.
Can you say them with me? Remember, release, recognize, reestablish and repeat.
First, remember how much we’ve been forgiven. Remember how much (with emphasis) I’ve
been forgiven is how that should be said. Because the first step in forgiving others is to understand
how much God has forgiven us.
A couple of weeks ago we talked about the Prodigal Son? It is actually our story. You see, we are
the Prodigal Son, we are the Prodigal Daughter who has turned our back on our loving Father. We
have gone our own way. We have enjoyed sin for a season and yet, when we return home, God
welcomes us back. And God forgives us—not just partially, but God forgives us completely. God
doesn’t make us pay it back.
So we have to be reminded over and over, because we, as humans, have amazing capacities to
forget and we forget just how good we have it. We forget how completely and fully and how freely
God has forgiven us.
Isaiah 1:18 is such a great verse because it talks about God’s complete forgiveness. It says.
“Come, let us talk this over says the Lord. No matter how deep the stain of your sin, I can take it
out and make you as clean as freshly fallen snow. Even if you are stained as red as crimson. I can
make you white as wool.”
We hurt God whenever we sin but he opens his heart and forgives us anyway. We need to
remember that. Now I want you to think of somebody who has hurt you. Conjure up those
feelings. Then think about Jesus and the fact that he feels the same way whenever you hurt him.
I get the image of Peter and Jesus in the courtyard. In the movie The Passion of Christ, it is
portrayed so well. As Jesus is being led away Peter is denying Christ in no uncertain terms. At that
moment Peter sees Jesus. They lock eyes and the regret is so deep. The anguish and hurt fills the
screen.
If Jesus can forgive us then we have no excuse. That brings me to our scripture today. It’s a
story that Jesus told about forgiveness. The point is simple:
A man who owes a great debt calls on the king and asks for mercy. The king hears his plea and
forgives him his debt.
The next thing you know this same man confronts another who owes him a debt and he shows
no mercy. He lives by the rule “an eye for an eye.” He has the man thrown in prison and his family
left destitute.
When the king hears of it he is outraged. It is like a slap in the face. All the pity, all the
compassion he felt for this man dissipates and he throws the book at him. The moral of the story,
Matthew tells us is this:
"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of
yours because you begged me to. Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I
had on you?' In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay
back all he owed.
And Jesus said "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your
brother from your heart."
Ouch! Do you think Jesus thinks forgiving others is important. We need to remember that we
have been forgiven. Maybe there is someone who has hurt you. Well now is the time to think about
forgiving them.
That brings me to our second point. Release them. Let them go. Set them free. What does that
mean? It means to stop replaying that tape of their offense over and over again in your mind. We do
that don’t we? We relive the hurt. We keep it fresh by living through it again. Well you’ve got to let
it go.
You don’t need to confront them or try to make amends or even try to repair the relationship to do
this. You just simply go to God and ask him to help you forgive and let it go. You see, forgiveness
is always a choice. It is not an emotion, it is a choice.
This process of setting someone free, of releasing them, is so key to the freedom that God wants
you to experience in forgiveness. When you do that you are saying I’m giving up my rights to
repayment. You no longer have TO WAIT FOR THEM to make amends, BECAUSE THEY
PROBABLY NEVER WILL. So you are taking charge and reclaiming your own peace of mind.
Let God deal with revenge, payment or what they need to do. He’s better at it than we are anyway.
Third Recognize that God has bigger things in mind. The truth is that every experience in life
shapes us. It prepares us for the next thing. The struggles, the adventures, the relationships we
have prepare us for the job that God is waiting to call us to.
Joseph is the perfect example of this. Do you remember his story? It was tragic. It was ironic. He
was a dreamer, the favorite son of his father, Jacob. His brothers get jealous of his favored status
and they plot against him. They sell him to slave traders going to Egypt and tell their father he was
killed. Through a series of misadventures he lands in prison and then into the court of Pharoah. He
interprets a dream and Pharoah places him in a position of authority. A famine hits the land and
Jacob sends his sons to Pharoah for help. Guess who is there to greet them.
Joseph could have taken his revenge. But instead he has forgiven them and in that process
recognized that God used that circumstance to get his will done. Joseph was now in a position to
save his family.
The truth is that God uses our circumstances to achieve his will. Now hear me: I am not saying
that god sends pain and trouble into our lives so he can do something about it later. I am saying that
God takes these difficult and tragic situations and uses them, like scraps off the table, to bring
blessings down the road.
In Romans 8:28 it says “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who
love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
That’s why it is so important to forgive. God has a plan and he can take your hurt and still make it
work for good if you can forgive.
My grandparents passed away in 1994 and 1995. They asked for me to do their funerals. Believe it
or not as I was sitting with my grandfather after my grandmother’s funeral, my grandfather told
me that he and my grandmother were so very proud of me. They also told me that my father had
done a good job raising his family. If I hadn’t been able to forgive them, I would have never heard
those words of affirmation.
The fourth step is to reestablish if possible. I’m going to be brief here. If you can re-establish the
relationship, then go to it.
There is a television show called “All About Earl.” I’ve seen it a few times. It’s really wacky. But
essentially this guy has a list of all the people he has ever wronged and he has to go back and make
it right. Some people readily accept his apologies and others don’t and that makes for the humor.
The truth is that some bridges are broken and you can’t go back over them. But if you can build a
new bridge after forgiveness, God calls us to do it.
In Romans 12:21. It says, “Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
What does that mean? It means, even if you can’t reestablish the relationship, you can still act in a
good way toward that person.
Pray for the person who hurt you. Ask God to heal their hearts. Ask God to bless them. When
you can do that you know that your healing and forgiveness is well on its way.
Finally, Repeat this process again and again. If you are lucky, your life will be long. You will
suffer hurts and you just need to keep doing this over and over again.
For you see, on the cross God was not only reconciling the world to himself, but he was doing
the same for each of us. He died so that we would have the power of forgiveness in our hands.
Don’t waste it. Use it to share God’s love with the people in your life. Life is too short to bear
grudges and to walk alone. Reach out and share that friendship bracelet God has left for you and
me in that empty tomb.
Let’s pray:
Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for how much You have forgiven me. Today, I forgive (just say
their name, the person you are forgiving). God, I’m forgiving them for (you just tell God what it is.
He already knows, but there is something about saying it and releasing that person). And God
show me the action I need to take to reestablish the relationship even if it is just to pray for them.
Now Lord, Help me to forgive others as much as you have forgiven me. In Jesus name. Amen.
Pastor Cal Lord's Recent Sermons
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